Everybody Deserves Love: Valentine's Day From A Body-Positive Perspective

by Stephanie Mallick

​As we’ve begun the New Year we are always struck by a sense of new beginning. We are asked to make resolutions vowing to work on new goals with a “New Year, New Me” mentality. But, just as we are on the road to self-improvement, we are hit by another evaluation: February, the month of LOVE. This can push us to put our love lives into perspective. Do we have someone special to celebrate one of the biggest days of romance with? Do we need that someone to celebrate the day?
 
With Valentine’s Day upon us, it can be a lot of pressure for some. Those attached versus those that are unattached; Many may look forward to the day while others may feel a sense of dread as it approaches. I began to ponder over this and quickly enlisted two fellow plus-size models Alexa Phelece and Rae Williams to get their perspectives. We recently participated in an “Every Body Deserves Love” photo shoot, alongside other plus-size models, which gave us time to get to the heart of the matter.  It was refreshing to learn what each of us expected from this romantic holiday.

Do you think it's necessary to be in a relationship to celebrate Valentine's Day?

Stephanie Mallick: I think we are all in a relationship with the number one person we should be loving, ourselves! That is something to celebrate on the daily, but if we forget, I think Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to remind ourselves of that.

Alexa Phelece: If you would've asked me this question last year, I would have said ‘yes.’ I haven't celebrated Valentine’s Day in a very long time because I haven't been in a relationship. But now that I'm learning to love myself before anything else, I would say you could definitely celebrate Valentine's Day either alone or with people you care about. This holiday doesn't have to be about having a partner; it could be simply about loving yourself or loving those important in your life.

Rae Williams: No, I don't think it's necessary to be in a relationship to celebrate Valentine's Day. I think it's adorable, but my idea of a relationship consists of being treated special every day, not just for a man-made holiday. Besides, chocolate is always available!

Stephanie Mallick | Photography by Alex Valderana

Do you look forward to or dread this holiday?

SM: I do look forward to Valentine’s day, and I am in a relationship, but mostly it’s because I love any chance to dress up, wear a red lip and try out a fun make-up look. That’s my self-love celebration.

AP: I personally do not look forward to Valentine's Day because there's no one out there planning this special day for me, but I wish it wasn't like that and I'm going to work on changing my perspective of this holiday.

RW: I don't really think about Valentine's Day if I can be honest. I was only in a relationship once when it was Valentine's Day, and that was in high school.

What does self-love mean for you?

SM: Self-love means to me just being grateful, appreciating every day who you are and what you have to offer and loving yourself no matter what, no matter if you may not live up to the latest beauty trend. You are still great [and] you don’t have to be or fit into any mold. 

AP: For me, self-love is about accepting and honoring who I am, whether I'm at my worst or my best. Self-love is the goal I personally strive for every day. It's loving who you are on the inside over anything else. Once you love yourself completely on the inside, it makes it a lot easier to love who you are on the outside, despite what anyone else may think of you. Life is so much happier when you LOVE you.

RW: Self-love for me means doing what's best for me and my body to show my appreciation and love for myself. It's a feel-good feeling that comes from within when I'm happy, chasing dreams, or doing something that I enjoy.

Alexa Phelece | Photography by Alex Valderana

What are your thoughts on plus size dating is it more difficult have you had positive experiences or negative?

SM: When I was in the dating scene, I definitely felt men were attracted to me and willing to get physical, but to call me their ‘girlfriend’ and have me on their arm was another thing. I think society has pressured some men into thinking that they need to be with the beauty ideal, which at the time was a body-type [thing]. I think those things are beginning to change now.

AP: Growing up as a curvy girl, I always had a hard time finding a boyfriend. I definitely think that plus-size dating is more difficult. I don't always think that there are fewer people that are actually attracted/interested in curvy women, I think that society carries such a negative outlook on the plus-size woman that people are afraid to step forward and actually date [plus-size] women because of the stigma it may carry. I think that men are afraid to be labeled as a "chubby chaser" or receive any other negative comments that they may receive from dating a bigger woman, so they just avoid it. 

RW: I don't really view plus-size dating as any different than regular dating, honestly. I think we all have our own personal challenges that go along with dating, based on compatibility, the things we want versus [what we] don't want, and what we are willing to compromise on.

Why is it important on Valentine’s Day (and every day) for women to show love to one another?

SM: We can do so much good together if we support one another. I think Valentine’s Day can be an opportunity to show love to the women around you. It can be a reminder to give out a compliment or two, congratulate someone on being great and do something nice for the women you know. It’s an amazing feeling to make others feel good about themselves. 

AP: I think that, in our society today, it is more important than ever for women to stick together and help each other rise. We live in a world where women are constantly struggling to be treated equally and we need to be a part of that change. We need to put jealousy and petty attitudes aside to look at the big picture. If women are bringing each other down instead of helping each other up, we've already lost the battle. I think that there is nothing more powerful than women banding together for a greater purpose.

RW: I think it's super important for women to support one another because I honestly think it magnifies how awesome we already are. For too long it's been okay to feel like it's a competition, but there's enough greatness to go around, and we all should help each other instead of being crabs in a barrel.

Rae Williams | Photography by Super Dave Media

Translate #everybodydeserveslove into your own words what does it mean for you?

SM: #Everybodydeserveslove is standing up for all bodies, all people, all backgrounds, to be celebrated!

AP: The hashtag #everyBODYdeservesLOVE  is a movement that encourages people, no matter your race, gender, ethnicity, age, or size, to acknowledge that you are valuable and deserving of love. The #everyBODYdeservesLOVE movement is about reminding people that they deserve to love themselves no matter what society's standards may tell them. This also means that you are deserving of love from others, too. I often felt like I'd never be loved because I was too fat, or too loud, or had too much cellulite, or whatever other excuses I made. I now know this isn't true. I do deserve love from others, but most importantly, I deserve to love myself because every day I am enough! 

RW: #Everybodydeserveslove means just what it says; no matter who we are, our differences, or how we look, we all are deserving of love!

From Left to Right: Rae Williams, Stephanie Mallick, Nazira Sacasa, Victoria Alexis, Alexa Phelece & Natasha Bull | Photography by Alex Valderana